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The Best and Worst American Holidays According to Luke Chapman

By Luke Chapman

Staff Writer




It's pure bliss to have a holiday. Holidays seem to be the days people remember the most. However, not all holidays are created equal. Some are better than others. I’ve thought of 15 holidays celebrated in the United States and ranked them in order from least favorite to favorite.



15. Valentine’s Day

Day: Feb. 14

Last place is Valentine’s Day. This seems to be a holiday everyone loves to hate, especially guys, and I can see why. Many single guys hate Valentine’s Day because it reminds them that they don’t have a girlfriend and it makes them sad. Some guys in relationships hate Valentine’s Day because they have to cater to all of their girlfriend’s needs, and give them some chocolate and a stuffed bear with some hearts on it. Personally, for the last five or so years, Valentine’s Day was there just to torture me. My opinion could change once I’ve got somebody, but for now, dead last is where this holiday belongs.



14. St. Patrick’s Day

Day: March 17

There isn’t much to St. Patrick’s Day personally, but pinching people for not wearing green is definitely amusing. Minor physical harm that’s all in good fun, you don’t get that very often.


13. Veterans Day

Day: Nov. 11

Not much happens on Veterans Day, but I’ll give credit where credit is due. It is important to celebrate the men and women who fought for our country. It is a much-needed holiday for the U.S., even though we don’t get out of school for it.




12. Mother’s Day

Day: May 8 - 14 (2nd Sunday of May)

I can’t complain much about Mother’s Day. It’s usually a nice, wholesome day where I give my mom kudos for all she has done. It isn’t one of the best holidays, but I appreciate it for what it is.


11. Father’s Day

Day: June 15 - 21 (3rd Sunday of June)

Much of the same can be said for Father’s Day. My dad has done a lot in my life, and it’s important to show him how much I care. I suppose the only reason this is ranked higher than Mother’s Day is because I could become a father in 15 or so years, and then, the day will be all about me.


10. Labor Day

Day: Sept. 1 - 7 (1st Monday of September)

A day made so that people can lounge around at home all day and chill out. Labor Day will likely become a better holiday once I’ve been going to work for a while. It is also known for being the day before school starts, at least until I was in 11th grade when my school started to begin in late August. Good times can be had on Labor Day, especially because nobody’s busy and you can do whatever you want.


9. Memorial Day

Day: May 25 - 31 (Last Monday of May)

A three-day weekend in the glorious weather of late spring? Yes please! Memorial Day obviously isn’t all about not going to work/school, it’s to remember those who died for our country. But still, this guy loves a vacation! In my opinion, Memorial Day and Labor Day are overall the best holidays weatherwise.


8. Thanksgiving

Day: Nov. 22 - 28 (4th Thursday of November)

This is a holiday I am thankful for. Thanksgiving turkey is delicious. I like hanging out with my family. I like getting out of school. I have no idea why we eat Thanksgiving dinner at 3 in the afternoon, but who cares?


7. New Year’s Eve / Day

Day: Dec. 31 and Jan. 1

It’s a new year, and it’s time to party! New Year’s Eve is a time to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly that happened in the past year, and to think of ways to change your life because that annual trip around the sun said so. I like New Year’s Day a little better than New Year’s Eve because the best part of most New Year parties starts at midnight. Before that, it’s basically just staring at a clock for about two hours. When it actually is a new year, I think of a basic game plan for the year. I gave up on New Year’s resolutions maybe six years ago, since I would’ve blown them all by the 15th of January anyway. Change happens gradually, and I think everyone should know that.


6. Halloween

Day: Oct. 31

Jack-O-Lanterns, awesome decorations, bone-chilling movies and TV specials, tons of candy I don’t usually finish until mid-December, and cheap dollar store costumes I can make fun of. Halloween has it all! My parents always told me not to take candy from strangers, but it doesn’t matter today! I don’t go trick or treating anymore, but I do go to the grocery store and buy whatever delectable sweets I want.


5. April Fools Day

Day: April 1

One of the greatest things about April Fools Day is I can mess with people to my liking and I have a whole day as an excuse! Replace somebody’s apple juice with some kitchen grease? April fools! Make a fake dog dookie out of empty toilet paper rolls and put it on the floor? April fools! Write “I’m Stupid” on somebody’s forehead while they’re asleep? April fools! Classic. And, of course, there’s the internet. There’s always some practical jokes on the World Wide Web that I look forward to every year.


4. Easter

Day: March 22 - April 25 (Sunday After 1st Full Moon Since March 21)

Like most people, I love candy. There’s chocolate bunnies, Cadbury Eggs, and enough jelly beans to feed half of Rhode Island! Easter is a fantastic holiday with wonderful things like candy, Jesus Christ, and a six-foot tall bunny rabbit who lays plastic colored eggs you can find easily at Target. Easter is overall a happy go-lucky holiday that I enjoy every time.


3. Birthday (Shut up, guys! It Counts!)

Day: Nov. 30 (Different for other people, obviously)

A day all about me, or technically about 1/365th of the world population. My birthday is always one of the highlights of my year. Not to mention cake, presents and receiving celebrity status for the day. I’ve never had a bad birthday, except my 0th birthday, which was probably the worst day of my life. Just think about it. No wonder people immediately start crying when they’re born! I didn’t even get a cake that day. >:( How lame! My next 19 birthdays certainly made up for it in the best ways. My 14th birthday, for example, was one of the only days I can think of where more than 20 girls talked to me. This isn’t really a holiday, but who cares? It’s a holiday to me.


2. Independence Day

Day: July 4

America, the land of the free, and the home of the brave. American Independence Day not only celebrates being an American, but there’s cheeseburgers straight from the grill, ice cream, watermelon, swimming pools, 75ish degrees outside, poppers, glowsticks, picnics, sparklers, and an insane fireworks show! The Fourth of July includes many of the finer things in life. I used to beg to differ about this holiday. Until I was maybe six, I was scared of fireworks, and I would cry every time one of them went off. I was scared of the darndest things when I was a little kid. Since then, Independence Day has been among my absolute favorite holidays.


1. Christmas

Day: Dec. 25

Going to bed at about 10 p.m., and getting up before the sun goes up is usually something I hate doing. I’m no morning person, except on the 25th of December, when I’ve got countless presents waiting for me underneath an ornament-covered tree. I probably get more presents on Christmas than I do on my birthday, and above all, I usually get better presents on Christmas. Seeing my relatives and eating home-cooked food make Christmas even more special. Although Christmas is only one day, the celebration lasts much longer than just one day, effectively making December my favorite month of the year. There’s gingerbread houses, jolly holiday movies and TV specials, only about12 days of school, some classic festive tunes, church services at their absolute best, and a partridge in a pear tree. It is a perfect holiday like no other, and it ranks No. 1 on this list.



Conclusion

So that’s the basic rundown of my opinions on different holidays. I made my list as accurate as possible on what I think of these days of the year. Opinions are subject to change. I obviously didn’t include every single holiday. I’m sorry, but that is way too many to write down. MLK Day, Chinese New Year, Groundhogs Day, Super Bowl Sunday, Presidents Day, Ash Wednesday, Ides of March, Palm Sunday, Passover, Good Friday, Tax Day, Earth Day, Take Your Kids to Work Day, May Day, Star Wars Day, Cinco de Mayo, Pentecost, D-Day, Flag Day, Juneteenth, 9/11 Commemoration Day, Yom Kippur, Columbus Day / Indigenous Peoples’ Day, All Saints Day, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, Pearl Harbor Day, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, I think you can see why. Now that I’ve entered my entries, and rambled my ramblings, let me conclude my conclusion, punctual with punctuation, with a dot.


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